When you get to my age, the conversation with your girl friends has changed from boys, love, career, husband, career and retirement, kids, did I mention career?, to retirement, constipation, colonoscopy, more constipation, colon cleansing, and more, not to mention the worries about our kids, our kids’ kids, their husbands, and all that.
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Some of your girl friends have decided that they are at the end of the road and are wondering what to do next. Where to move? Which child to follow? Which senior programs to sign up for? Was that 20% off Tuesdays after 4? Etc. Some are very comfortable not having any “next” and to them, things are good just the way they are even if they are not that great. But, hey, at least they know where they are and no matter how bad it may be, the other side may be even more risky! “It is actually not that bad,” they say when they are pressed a bit. And, some people are clearly not happy, but they are very comfortable being uncomfortable (like wearing one piece tight girdle to squeeze to a nice dress and go to a party – Have you noticed everyone looks beautiful, but no one looks relaxed?).
And then, there are the me(s). 50+ going 18: The “Wanna bees!” We are still talking about what we want to do, what we want to learn, and yes, what we want to be when we grow up! Discovering. The Columbs!
The “in” change used to be going back to school, getting a higher degree, changing career and even be featured in magazines and Oprah. Dramatic change. It got to the point that we all started questioning our choices, which is a good thing, considering.
So, thank you pioneers: People like you who went back to school, got a job, did great, and now they are CEOs , financial advisors, high officials in government, etc. People who went back to teach because they were passionate about social issues and wanted to make a difference. Specially men and women who went back to school and possibly earned a PHD and now they walk around some rivers in Africa, trying to learn about life by observing life. Thanks to you, who contributed to science, hugged a child, help a person cross the street. Thank you. You gave us so much. You gave us longer life. You thought us that we can “be” and not only “become.” The number of “you” is increasing rapidly. It used to be Helen Keller, Rosa Parks, and more, but not too many. Not enough for my taste. Imagine only if they were alive today!
Can you begin to imagine the level of their contribution? Now, imagine what we can do, be, and teach. This time, literally, sky is the limit!
So, what to be? The search continues. You are happy, but not satisfied. Yes, I beg the question! I don’t think you are unhappy if not satisfied or vice versa. I don’t believe you have to be satisfied with “what is” in order to be happy, you can be happy with “what is,” accept it, respect it, and still wonder “what could be.” A fun curiosity (and here is the secret: it has to be fun, even if it is difficult.) you can have fun doing difficult things. Did we go to the moon because we were unhappy, or because we were happily unsatisfied?
Back to “what to be?” The answer may not be going back to school. In most cases, it is not the thing we want and should do, but the way we want to feel. We have realized that the process too, shall be joyful. In fact, I am beginning to wonder if we have learned this from our children generation (X) who decided not to follow us and not to wait and go on the cruise when they retire no matter how bad we tried to mold them?? Or was it our own aha moment?
So, here is the new thing: simplicity and openness. It means to physically and mindfully open up. This starts by de-cluttering which will bring more peace and energy to your life. Seriously, scientifically!! When you get rid of things (cloths, papers, projects, project pieces, etc.), your brain relaxes: out of sight (and site,) out of mind. Not only clutter physically takes space in your house, it also invades real estate in your brain and it is taxing (and you thought you only had federal and state tax?) J when you throw it away, “it” leaves your mind too. Guess what? Your mind is now free to be creative – to be peaceful – playful. Now you can become and be!
So, the issue to learn is: “the art of de-cluttering.” (Go ahead, please write this book and for my sake, stay away from the 3 baskets method: toss, purge, and whatever. I always got too tired at the end of the sorting process that I kept them all eventually because after one week I forgot which was which and I had to go through sorting again – so no.) And, by the way, this is not only about getting rid of things, also getting rid of obligations like being around some people you shouldn’t’t be around, or doing things that you don’t want to do, etc.
Well, this is something for me to learn, and I will. All I know is that I have to start being courageous enough to get ready to face the consequences. To learn to be without! Ok, I just outted myself. 🙂
This is dedicated to all of you my friends (including my daughters) who have been helping me by generously sharing their thoughts. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Sonia