I went to visit a friend for tea and two of her friends were also there. I am always excited to see my friends and meet new people. It is fascinating how different we each are regardless of our similar culture and the “normal” hand me down goals like go to school, be a good girl, graduate from college, get a “good” job, find a “good” man, get married, have kids, then ask them to repeat exactly what you did minus your set backs and mistakes. Because, your kids just have to be perfect. Just the way you wanted yourself to be!
They started taking turns saying how things were great and how the kids were doing wonderfully and I was really enjoying them. This is what life should be like, I thought to myself, although I was a bit hungry for hearing what are they all about aside from their kids and husbands.
My friend offered me some cake to have with my tea and when I declined (well, at first J ) the other woman said “don’t worry, life is too short.” Then they went on saying how this and that was very healthy and dropped dead. Before long everyone knew someone who unexpectedly has died making their point stronger that you should take it easy and eat the cake (they were all skinnier than me – mind you.)
Then I noticed that somehow the conversation changed to how they are worried about their husband’s job, kid’s transfer, sister not finding the right apartment, economy, health care, foreign affairs, etc. Well, almost like gossip – nothing deep. One lady was really worried. You could almost see the lines on her face each relating to one problem. I could almost “name that line!” Her son has asked to be transferred from New York to California and she didn’t know what is going to happen. Everyone was nodding and saying “don’t worry, it will be fine,” “just pray,” “He’d be here before you know it,” etc. Everyone agreed and said things of the same sort. I was wondering if we were bounding?? I was trying to find the right words to say (and I am normally not short on this subject) while staying truthful. What I really wanted to say was “at least he has a job and he is healthy so he can find a job.” What I would ‘ve said if I dared was “who the … cares?” Not because I don’t like her, but I sincerely think it is not a big deal, considering the big picture. But, because it is about her kid, it is a sensitive subject and I better shut up, or I seem insensitive and arrogant, or may be even jealous. I have been called insensitive before, however politely and not exactly in these words.
She said with a big sigh “I am going to be worried until he moves here.” What? It was like she was announcing going on worry strike. Then she moved to talk about her other son and how he is so smart and his manager is not a good person and not supportive at all. Now, she is worried about him until he finds a better job because she knows this manager will eventually get rid of her son. Damn! You might as well, I thought secretly to myself.
As everyone was conversing, I found myself quiet again while loudly participating by responding, nodding, agreeing, and chit chatting. I was wondering what to say. I knew I got to that point. The point of “it is useless – just get out and go to the next thing.”
I get confused. They were just saying life is too short and then talked about these stuff?? Just like when I say “gee I ate too much, I should really start watching what I eat” after a big meal in a restaurant and order fried banana with ice cream with a little or no hesitation when the server brings the desert menu!
Do you remember riding on a bus? Or a train? What did you do? Did you look outside, watched the people walking, talking, some running, some angry, happy, and some sad? Did you watch stores, kids playing, cats, dogs, garbage on the ground just next to the garbage can, and all the other fascinating things that reminds us of how life is going on and we are watching it from the bus window like an observer? Or, did you make sure you have your keys in hand and listen to the driver announcing the next station and each time counted how many more stops left before you get “there” and missed the life movie? Is that what we do? Are we going to be happy “when” that “thing” happens? Are we going to relax only after we gets there? And then we hop on the next bus waiting for another “there”? Are we worrying about the next thing? And next? Are we seriously that arrogant that we think and know that we really can control everything? Or are we just naive? Or, may be we don’t even think.Are we used to, or addicted to worrying because that is how we define ourselves? This is how our mothers and everyone around us does? Do we listen to stories we tell others of how this and that person was so healthy and just dropped dead? Or, are we keeping ourselves busy with this stuff to gain significance? To show that we care? To keep up with the Jones’? I really don’t know the answer. All I know is that I am not going to be waiting to get to the next station. Been there, done that, and have the water bottle to show. This is not the way. No sir!